A NIGERIAN FUCK OFF

I’m guessing this guy is a scamster. Just a hunch. And I figure it is not his real name or picture. I also think he is Nigerian.  This is why.

When the opening statement is so over the top and schmalzy, the guy is not simply bad at pickup lines, he is probably very good at getting replies from lonely women. If I responded positively, I am guessing he would have befriended me and asked for money sooner or later.

In his response he refers to me as a ‘white monket’, I guess he means ‘white monkey’. He has an issue with whiteness, so I guess he is not white. I have also heard a few Nigerians when they are busted and they always react with extraordinary aggression and harsh words, including telling me and ‘forking mount’ telling people to ‘fork off’.  But what do i know? I am just a ‘daughter of bish…white monket and a poor fool, ugly cow.’

INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT NIGERIANS AND ADVANCE FEE SCAMS, ONCE YOU GET PAST TELLING THEM TO FUCK OFF

• While it is not only Nigerians that commit ‘419’ scams, they are particularly good at it. It is estimated that about 20% of such scams originate in Nigeria – despite the fact that they battle with internet connections. Researchers surmise it is because of their cultural reliance on human interaction. They know a thing or two about how people operate and use people’s greed and gullibility against them.
• The word ‘419’  refers to the section of the Nigerian Criminal Code dealing with fraud, the charges and penalties for offenders.
• Many Nigerian scamsters don’t view what they do as ‘stealing’, just taking advantage of people’s stupidity – a form of opportunism and human entrepreneurship.
• The spelling errors and obvious clumsiness of the opening emails they send people are deliberate. Scamsters send out bulk emails or trawl internet dating sites or Facebook. They only want the most gullible to respond so they don’t waste time on second or third emails on suspicious people.

 

 

 

 

A FUNNY FOKOF

This fuckoff is particularly funny to me.

Firstly, because  the word ‘fokof’ in Afrikaans, even though it means the exact equivalent to the English version of ‘fuck off’ is somehow funnier and more benign.

Secondly, the image of an Brandied and Braai-ed out oaf who is too lazy to start a decent conversation and instead sends a feeble fake bunch of flowers with a ‘good morning’, gets told to ‘fokof’ without ceremony, leaves me with an image of a deflating balloon when it makes that funny ‘Phe-w-e-eh’ pinched fart sound. Funny.

Thirdly, I am amused at my own response. It is a two syllable expression, yet every time I hover over the keyboard, I have a slight sense of dread. Fear of backlash from the great Patriarchal Penis in the Sky. And aware of how ‘groupist’ I am.

When I see the person sending it is from another country, it is very easy to say ‘fuck off.’ I guess that is a form of some kind of patriotism. When the person is possibly from my country and my area, it is harder for me to say ‘fuck off’. I guess, I am more nationalist than I thought. And when the person is Afrikaans, I initially hovered a bit more. I guess, a form of racism or groupism or classism that revealed itself to me, surprisingly, in the split second longer it took me to type ‘fokof.’

And then I just did it. And it was funny.

i AM watching my language

Really? What am I? In kindergarten? Let’s look at your language, dingbat. Let us look at the earlier message. Patronising, patriarchal and fuckwitty.

Hmmm, I will ‘love’ to know you. Really, you use the word ‘love’ like a swear word. Patronising, dishonest, ridiculous.

Next, I have to conform to your standards of ‘beautiful’ and ‘sincere’. (Never mind that my profile picture at the time looked like Daisy de Melker)

Really? What you are trying to do here is make me feel inferior, so I will live up to your expectations. Sorry for you.

Your language is dirty, sir.

INSINCERE, PATRIARCHAL, POSSIBLY MYSOGINIST ASSHOLE.

My language, on the other hand is truthful and pure. “Fuck off.” I am honest. And the words ‘fuck off’ are kind. They are saving you time and money that you could have spent on other prey.

But instead of saying ‘thank you’ for my kindness, you act the victim. Shampies.

So please, pretty please – Fuck off.

 

 

 

‘SO SORRY, BUT FUCK OFF OLD CHAP’

When I first embarked on this mission, simply saying ‘fuck off’ was hard for me. I mean, how must the poor man on the other side feel, being sidelined like that? And ‘fuck’ was such a nasty word.

Also, I was brought up in a strict Afrikaner house, where women were subservient to the men and you went to NG Kerk on a friday. Even though I had bucked the trend since childhood intellectually, actually saying ‘fuck off’ to someone – even across the inernet was hard.

In the beginning of the ’50 fuckoffs’ project, every time I hovered over the keyboard before pressing the ‘send’ button. My heartrate increased and I felt a tension.

In this post, I actually apologised for not saying fuckoff earlier.

Early days …

 

 

 

BUT WHY, MY DEAR?

, 

Why? Why not, asshole?

Because firstly, you called me ‘dear.’ Secondly, you have only been Facebook friends with me for a few minutes and you are already approaching me with some kak polite conversation usually only reserved for friends and grocery store attendants. Thirdly, because you are an asshole. Actually, you are not even worth a whole asshole. You are an asshalf. Fuckoff.

 

 

 

THE FIRST FUCK OFF

Shame, and I was this guy’s only Facebook friend.

After this, I decided that engaging in a conversation defeated the object and after that did not engage further than a few words, never to be drawn in again.

Fuck off is the end of a conversation, not the beginning.

(Lesson: For my international audience, ‘poes’ is a derogatory Afrikaans word, similar to ‘cunt’ in English. It is probably of a sexist and mysogynistic heritage highest insult you can give someone is to call them a female body part and rather unfortunate, because cut is cool and poes is awesome. And it is a lovely word to say. Like fuck off.)