i AM watching my language

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Really? What am I? In kindergarten? Let’s look at your language, dingbat. Let us look at the earlier message. Patronising, patriarchal and fuckwitty.

Version 2

Hmmm, I will ‘love’ to know you. Really, you use the word ‘love’ like a swear word. Patronising, dishonest, ridiculous.

Next, I have to conform to your standards of ‘beautiful’ and ‘sincere’. (Never mind that my profile picture at the time looked like Daisy de Melker)

Really? What you are trying to do here is make me feel inferior, so I will live up to your expectations. Sorry for you.

Your language is dirty, sir.

INSINCERE, PATRIARCHAL, POSSIBLY MYSOGINIST ASSHOLE.

My language, on the other hand is truthful and pure. “Fuck off.” I am honest. And the words ‘fuck off’ are kind. They are saving you time and money that you could have spent on other prey.

But instead of saying ‘thank you’ for my kindness, you act the victim. Shampies.

So please, pretty please – Fuck off.

 

 

 

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‘SO SORRY, BUT FUCK OFF OLD CHAP’

Version 2

When I first embarked on this mission, simply saying ‘fuck off’ was hard for me. I mean, how must the poor man on the other side feel, being sidelined like that? And ‘fuck’ was such a nasty word.

Also, I was brought up in a strict Afrikaner house, where women were subservient to the men and you went to NG Kerk on a friday. Even though I had bucked the trend since childhood intellectually, actually saying ‘fuck off’ to someone – even across the inernet was hard.

In the beginning of the ’50 fuckoffs’ project, every time I hovered over the keyboard before pressing the ‘send’ button. My heartrate increased and I felt a tension.

In this post, I actually apologised for not saying fuckoff earlier.

Early days …

 

 

 

BUT WHY, MY DEAR?

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Why? Why not, asshole?

Because firstly, you called me ‘dear.’ Secondly, you have only been Facebook friends with me for a few minutes and you are already approaching me with some kak polite conversation usually only reserved for friends and grocery store attendants. Thirdly, because you are an asshole. Actually, you are not even worth a whole asshole. You are an asshalf. Fuckoff.

 

 

 

THE FIRST FUCK OFF

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Shame, and I was this guy’s only Facebook friend.

After this, I decided that engaging in a conversation defeated the object and after that did not engage further than a few words, never to be drawn in again.

Fuck off is the end of a conversation, not the beginning.

(Lesson: For my international audience, ‘poes’ is a derogatory Afrikaans word, similar to ‘cunt’ in English. It is probably of a sexist and mysogynistic heritage highest insult you can give someone is to call them a female body part and rather unfortunate, because cut is cool and poes is awesome. And it is a lovely word to say. Like fuck off.)