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This guar sounds very offended, y?

Shem. he he must feel so bad he can’t even spell rightlyly.

The implication from this exchange is that he was just being ‘nice’, so why am I so horrible. This type of male also frequently admonishes you when you ‘can’t accept a compliment’ when they give you unasked for advances/sexually suggestive comments, aka ‘compliment’.

Y do I use valguar language, poepoepolol?

Because it is not I who cannot accept a compliment – it is you who cannot accept rejection.

Fuck off.



img_4743Who sends a fucking minion (dancing) to do their work for them? Modern, grown-ass men, that’s who!

What happened to conversation? Talking? Exchanging word and ideas, not emoticons? What happened to making an effort? To sending flowers – even those fake internet ones guys send you in your inbox. (Look, I’ll still tell you to fuck off, but still.)

The entire modern idea of courting and relationships seem to have changed, partly due to the internet. Whereas more information and connectivity seems like it should logically lead to more intense and meaningful liasons, it seems to have the opposite effect. I spoke to Miss Violet, a renowned sex writer and on-line dating expert. She told me that it appeared to her as if men don’t really want to ‘date’ on on-line dating sites. “They are too lazy.” she surmised. Futher reading led me to a plethora of pieces suggesting the modern idea of romance and relationship is expedient, not designed to last long with parties not prepared to commit, overcome problems or have a desire to go beyond the ‘honeymoon phase.’

So the moment the endorphins quieten down. you dump the person, holding them up to unrealistically high expectations, while feeling entitled to have the ‘perfect’ romance because idiots like Oprah Winfrey and Tony Robbins have been telling people that they are beautifu l just the way they are, are entitled to be who they are and love themselves for whom they are and that they can demand that acceptance from other people and that they should not settle – because they are, well so bloody special.

Put in another way, men go onto the internet to wank. Every time you answer a ‘hi’ or acknowledge the fucking minion, they have a little emotional pieltrek. But they are too bloody lazy to do it themselves, so they want to see you do it vicariously.


The above exchange is thus the perfect modern relationship and probably only lasted slightly shorter.

“Hi.” (Walks into the room and woos woman)

“Sends Minion” (Entertaining courtship and liason, which has woman in stitches, but soon blows over when she realises something has gone awry.)

“Fokof” (Woman finally realises man is not good enough for her and is, in fact, a twat)

“Jy ook.” (Man convinces himself it is not his fault and walks off in a huff.)


So listen here, old Walglike Wallie, go and wank in your own time onto your own computer. Stay away from mine.











Version 2

What have we here? It are a poet! Don’t u knowit!

Kontkop Koekemoer over here sends me this message, littered with spelling errors and psychological aberrancies.

Abdridged translation as follows:

“Hi, sorry, I know we don’t know each other. And just because of that it is perfect that you should read my new poems and tell me what you think. Big please.”

Hmmm. Okay, so here we are on the playground called Facebook, with a predator approaching children with a lollipop (poetry) that he thinks is attractive enough to make gullible females (children) swoon just because an authority figure (poet) is paying attention to you. And/or he plays the cute little boy act who wants mummy to reward him for building some kak lego truck. He apologises for the intrusion but he is not sorry, he is doing it on purpose. Then sociopath justifies his intrusion into your privacy (because we don’t know each other it is a good idea) and in his head rationalises his own behaviour.

I tell him to fuck off. And then get this very poetic response:

Version 3

Not very artistic, I must say. I expected more from a poet.

Literally translated it means:

“Wow, yoire one sick sick thing Yoi mother’s vgina ok! Don me swear not ztupid slut.’


Fuckface stalks you with a false lollipop, you call him on it, then he goes all psycho like he is the victim.

Can you imagine if he actually sent poetry?! The torture would have been unbearable. It would probably have amounted to intellectual molestation.


Here’s a poem for you, Kontkop:

Roses are red, Violets are blue

I have five fingers, the third one’s for you.


And another thing: JOU PA SE PIEL, OK!











Ag shame.

This guy clearly got caught in a scam and is using Facebook as a dating device, but if he is not prepared to send me money, what is the point?

I have been trying to figure out why I get so many of these things and why they pick me. There must be some filter on a search on a thing somewhere, because some of them I don’t know from a bar of soap. (Not that I know bars of soap that well.)

A facebook helpline site says the requests are ‘random’ but I can almost predict they type of person/profile who sends me a ‘hi dear’. Males (mostly older). Ugly. Wear uniforms. Many from Arabian cultures. I do know Nigerians feel Arabians are easy targets and part with their money easily, so I guess many of the ‘Arabians’ who inbox me are actually Nigerians who hope I am a bag of money attached to a fool. I get the feeling they know I am female, but how would they know when we are not actually ‘friends’ on Facebook? Still investigating.

But this poor Namibian fuck off guy then sends me the below reply. Thanks for the laugh, buddy.

Version 2

Pleasure, poepol!!!!!







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How’s this oke?

Befriends me on Facebook. Inboxes me with this message:

“Hi im 4rm Jhb work in Pta n u?”

Here’s my issue: On Facebook, you have potentially more information about a person than on any on-line dating site. Photos, where you live, what you are interested in. He can come at me from any angle – but no.

Pielneus Pillay over here sends a poorly spelled, hastily typed message basically saying he figures anyone living within striking distance of the N1 is fair game.

I might as well have been standing at the Allandale Offramp with a placard saying:

“Pielneus! Pielneus! Pick me! Pick me!”

Verstaan jy?




No, twat. ‘Fuck off’ is the end of the conversation – not the start. ‘Fuck off’ is like a full stop at the end of a sentence.

It is not a comma. It is not a question mark. It is not a line break before the next chapter or paragraph. Our little talk is over. Finished and klaar.

Concentrate people! Punctuation is important.

An example:


Another example:

Punctuation does not apply to when a woman tells a man to fuck off. It is the same when you say:

Fuck off

Fuck off!

fuck. off.

fuck, off!






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I’m guessing this guy is a scamster. Just a hunch. And I figure it is not his real name or picture. I also think he is Nigerian.  This is why.

When the opening statement is so over the top and schmalzy, the guy is not simply bad at pickup lines, he is probably very good at getting replies from lonely women. If I responded positively, I am guessing he would have befriended me and asked for money sooner or later.

In his response he refers to me as a ‘white monket’, I guess he means ‘white monkey’. He has an issue with whiteness, so I guess he is not white. I have also heard a few Nigerians when they are busted and they always react with extraordinary aggression and harsh words, including telling me and ‘forking mount’ telling people to ‘fork off’.  But what do i know? I am just a ‘daughter of bish…white monket and a poor fool, ugly cow.’


  • While it is not only Nigerians that commit ‘419’ scams, they are particularly good at it. It is estimated that about 20% of such scams originate in Nigeria – despite the fact that they battle with internet connections. Researchers surmise it is because of their cultural reliance on human interaction. They know a thing or two about how people operate and use people’s greed and gullibility against them.
  • The word ‘419’  refers to the section of the Nigerian Criminal Code dealing with fraud, the charges and penalties for offenders.
  • Many Nigerian scamsters don’t view what they do as ‘stealing’, just taking advantage of people’s stupidity – a form of opportunism and human entrepreneurship.
  • The spelling errors and obvious clumsiness of the opening emails they send people are deliberate. Scamsters send out bulk emails or trawl internet dating sites or Facebook. They only want the most gullible to respond so they don’t waste time on second or third emails on suspicious people.