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I’m guessing this guy is a scamster. Just a hunch. And I figure it is not his real name or picture. I also think he is Nigerian.  This is why.

When the opening statement is so over the top and schmalzy, the guy is not simply bad at pickup lines, he is probably very good at getting replies from lonely women. If I responded positively, I am guessing he would have befriended me and asked for money sooner or later.

In his response he refers to me as a ‘white monket’, I guess he means ‘white monkey’. He has an issue with whiteness, so I guess he is not white. I have also heard a few Nigerians when they are busted and they always react with extraordinary aggression and harsh words, including telling me and ‘forking mount’ telling people to ‘fork off’.  But what do i know? I am just a ‘daughter of bish…white monket and a poor fool, ugly cow.’


  • While it is not only Nigerians that commit ‘419’ scams, they are particularly good at it. It is estimated that about 20% of such scams originate in Nigeria – despite the fact that they battle with internet connections. Researchers surmise it is because of their cultural reliance on human interaction. They know a thing or two about how people operate and use people’s greed and gullibility against them.
  • The word ‘419’  refers to the section of the Nigerian Criminal Code dealing with fraud, the charges and penalties for offenders.
  • Many Nigerian scamsters don’t view what they do as ‘stealing’, just taking advantage of people’s stupidity – a form of opportunism and human entrepreneurship.
  • The spelling errors and obvious clumsiness of the opening emails they send people are deliberate. Scamsters send out bulk emails or trawl internet dating sites or Facebook. They only want the most gullible to respond so they don’t waste time on second or third emails on suspicious people.







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Translated, for my many international readers:

“Hi Viv, this is naughty Andre.”

‘That’s lovely. Fuck off.’


Ok, so let us understand this. This guy clearly is using Facebook as a free on-line dating site, which I suppose is a cheap way of doing it. But that is his pickup line: “Hi, Viv, this is naughty Andre” That’s it?

I am not at all interested in online dating or engaging potential lovers on Inbox, but while we are here, since when is it enough to announce that you have a penis and therefore a woman must pay attention to it, naughty or not?

Since always.

‘Hi’ or “Hi this is naughty Andre’ is similar to a caveman going ‘Ugh!’ while swinging his knuppel around. Or in this case, not even physcially showing up to do it, but making a scribbling about it on the cave wall.

The inbox behavior of the many men who cross my Facebook path reminds me of how much of society still has that old male patriarchy thing going. It is a statement of entitlement. I grew up in a patriarchal Afrikaans culture where old, ugly, or fat, drunk men thought they owned women just by gawking at you and if you make eye contact, you have automatically consented., so I am aware of this phenomenon.

Well, ‘since always’ is changing. It cannot be good enough that you just present yourself as being bedicked and vaginas offer themselves (although I guess you must have a good enough success rate to carry on doing it like this.)

I am not expecting that you slay a dragon or drive miles in an oxwagon to sit by the ‘opsitkers’, but jirre: “Hi” or “Hi, dear, where do you live?” straight into my inbox is as if I am walking into a bar and you say ‘Hi’ and I make eye contact you grab me by the tit. That is what you are doing.

Listen caveman, Facebook is intended to be a social device whereby you can share and connect with selected people on an open platform and use the Private Message for private conversations. The Inbox is the private part of Facebook and you just touched me there without permission.

Fuck off.



I have had a crush on Brad Pitt for years, so the day he asked me to be Facebook friends, it was a life’s dream come true. It was obviously him – just look at the picture. I mean, people won’t post fake pictures of themselves on Facebook, will they? Okay, he used a different name, but it’s probably because he is shy.

I accepted his request and he was so polite, he even thanked me for it.

He started calling me and inboxing me shortly. I was in a serious moral dilemma. I mean – it was Brad Pitt. Morally, what would be the right thing?

It was an agonising decision. Live my wildest fantasy or put myself second for once and think about his wife and children.

I told him to fuck off.

Not very bright either.

He is still calling me…..